SEXUALITY
Even though our culture is flooded with sexualized marketing campaigns, expectations, and social pressure, rarely do people learn how to discuss sex in the connection to attachment and intimacy. Not talking about one’s sexual desires, needs, feelings, and problems prevents having intimate, healthy, exciting and fufilling sex lives.
Culture has an unquestionalbe impact on one’s sense of sexual self. It is important that individuals examine the impact of their particular cultural heritage on their sexual identities, attitudes, behaviors, and health.
The relationship between identity and intimacy as well as the individual’s needs for autonomy versus belonging are topics that also require exploration.
Let’s work together and discover a kinder, more authentic approach to sex.
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SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION
Common Intimacy and Sexual Dysfunction Concerns
Many individuals, regardless of gender, share common concerns about sexual arousal and function. It's interesting to note that people can experience various types of sexual dysfunction, whether they are single, dating, or in a committed relationship. Challenges related to arousal disorders and sexual function can often be linked to past trauma, fear of vulnerability, intimacy or commitment issues, shame, or feelings of inadequacy. Additionally, these difficulties may arise from insufficient communication, stress, lack of sex education, unrealistic expectations, or even biological and medical factors, including medication side effects.
A sexual dysfunction essentially means that some aspect of the sexual experience isn't aligning with what a person desires or believes is possible for their body. This often ties back to perceived norms, which are significantly shaped by our culture.
Everyone has their unique relationship with sexuality, including their wants, needs, and boundaries. If you or your partner suspect you might be facing a sexual dysfunction, consider whether what you're experiencing is affecting your relationship and intimacy. If the answer is yes, you could be encountering sexual dysfunction or desire disorder. Embracing this awareness is the first step toward understanding and improvement! Let's explore this journey together!
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Reaching an orgasm is not the sole focus of the sexual experience. It's important to recognize that expecting an orgasm in every encounter is unrealistic. However, when achieving orgasm is challenging or absent, it can lead to significant frustration. There are many reasons why an orgasm may not be attainable or may require more time than desired. Factors such as inadequate stimulation, biological or medical issues, untreated mental health concerns, desensitization from excessive masturbation, feelings of shame, or past trauma can all contribute. Regardless of the cause, a Sex Therapist can assist you in finding effective solutions.
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Low libido can affect anyone and is characterized by a noticeable decrease in sex drive, which may impact relationships and individual sexual health.
Discussing low libido can be challenging for couples due to feelings of embarrassment or guilt. However, addressing these issues openly can lead to positive changes, and it's encouraging to know that approaching the topic with empathy and without judgment can foster understanding.
Factors contributing to low libido include mental health issues like depression or PTSD, performance anxiety, certain medications, aging, low testosterone, chronic illness, stress, and lack of sleep. Consulting a physician can help rule out any medical concerns, which is a proactive step.
If medical issues are not the cause and low libido persists, working with a sex therapist can be beneficial. They can help identify the root causes and develop strategies to improve your sex life, whether individually or with a partner, which can be a positive journey towards enhancement.
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Partners experiencing mismatched libidos is a common intimacy concern for couples. Humans are nuanced individuals, each with different needs, turn-ons, fantasies, expectations, and fears that influence libido. There is no objective right or wrong regarding sex drive and libido. When partners have differences, it can lead to feelings of sexual and emotional disconnection.
Navigating different libidos can be challenging, but loving partners typically want to ensure each other's happiness. Healthy, pro-relationship communication is essential for reaching an understanding. Working with a couples’ therapist, particularly a sex therapist, can facilitate these important conversations. Together, you can honor each other’s needs and co-create a fulfilling and healthy sex life.
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Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is characterized by the difficulty in maintaining an erection during sexual intimacy, which can occur with partners or during solo activities. This condition may arise due to certain medications, heart disease, mental health concerns, or substances like alcohol.
Individuals experiencing ED often feel a sense of shame and embarrassment, leading them to isolate themselves from romantic relationships. However, it is reassuring to know that ED is quite common and can be effectively treated both medically and psychologically.
Consulting with a physician can help rule out any medical issues or medication interactions that may be affecting libido or erectile function. Additionally, working with a sex therapist can address psychological factors that may influence erectile capacity, providing a path toward improvement and satisfaction in intimate relationships.
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Previously referred to as premature ejaculation, this sexual dysfunction involves a person with a penis ejaculating sooner than desired during sexual activity.
This can occur during masturbation or sexual activity with a partner(s). While early ejaculation may not be a concern if it happens infrequently, it can become more concerning if it occurs often enough to negatively impact your relationship or sex life. It's encouraging to know that awareness of this issue is growing, and support is available for those who seek it.
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Two common sexual dysfunctions that individuals with vaginas may encounter are related to painful intercourse: dyspareunia and vaginismus. Fortunately, these conditions can be effectively treated with the right therapy and support from a treatment team, which includes reproductive and mental health practitioners.
Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia refers to a condition in which one experiences recurring pain to their genital area before, during, or after sexual intercourse. While all genders can experience this condition, it’s most commonly seen in women.
The pain one experiences can manifest itself in various ways. It can look like extreme cramping before, after, or during sex, deep pain in the pelvis area, pain during certain sexual circumstances, frequent pain with tampon use, and extreme cramping that might feel like acute menstrual cramps.
Vaginismus
Another form of pain one can experience that can impact their sex life is Vaginismus, or the involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles during sex. The tightening often occurs when penetration is attempted and can make sexual intercourse extremely uncomfortable when one doesn’t know what they are experiencing.
A person with a vagina can also experience this pain when they attempt to insert a tampon or any kind of touch in or around the vaginal area. While there is sometimes not a clear reason why one experiences vaginismus, there is often a connection between the condition and a history of sexual abuse and/or trauma.
There are various physical, relational, and psychological factors that can contribute to these sexual dysfunctions, such as:
- Vaginal dryness
- Menopause
- Injury from pelvic surgery
- Certain skin disorders that cause ulcers
- Cysts
- Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
- Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
- Pelvic floor concerns
- Fear
- Guilt or shame about sex
- Body image and self-esteem
- History of trauma
When addressing conditions that lead to pain during sex, it is common to collaborate with both a gynecologist and a mental health professional. This approach allows for a comprehensive understanding of the physical and psychological impacts on sexual health. While a reproductive health professional can diagnose the condition, working with a therapist can help explore the emotional or relational factors, ultimately enhancing sexual functioning.
